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- <title>
- Apr. 02, 1990: "I Could See No Reason To Live"
- </title>
- <history>
- TIME--The Weekly Newsmagazine--1990
- Apr. 02, 1990 Nixon Memoirs
- </history>
- <article>
- <source>Time Magazine</source>
- <hdr>
- EXCERPT, Page 34
- I Could See No Reason to Live
- By Richard Nixon
- </hdr>
- <body>
- <p>In an emotional and extraordinarily candid memoir, the former
- President describes the agony of his exile and his struggle for
- renewal
- </p>
- <p>[(c) 1990 Richard Nixon. From In the Arena, to be published in
- April by Simon & Schuster, Inc.]
- </p>
- <p> San Clemente, 1974
- </p>
- <p> As our plane circled the El Toro Marine Air Base on the
- afternoon of Aug. 9, I could see hundreds of cars lined up
- trying to get into the already overflowing parking area. I had
- not thought I could find the energy to make another speech that
- day, but I managed to thank them for welcoming us home, and I
- vowed to continue to fight for the great causes of peace,
- freedom and opportunity that had been my motivating principles
- from the time I first ran for Congress in 1946. As we walked
- toward the helicopter, I heard someone from the crowd shout
- out, "Whittier is still for you, Dick!"
- </p>
- <p> Thanks to Gavin Herbert and a group of volunteers from
- U.S.C., La Casa Pacifica's grounds were beautiful almost beyond
- description. I said to Gavin, "It is good to be back in a house
- of peace." But it was only a lull before a storm.
- </p>
- <p> The following day, the blows began to fall again. The
- special prosecutor, Leon Jaworski, had been delighted when my
- chief of staff, Al Haig, informed him of my decision to resign.
- He thought it would be in the best interests of the country.
- Haig reported to me that based on his conversation, he did not
- believe we would continue to suffer harassment by the special
- prosecutor. He had not reckoned with the young activists on
- Jaworski's staff.
- </p>
- <p> Far from being satisfied by the resignation, their appetites
- for finishing the injured victim were whetted. When my daughter
- Tricia's husband Ed Cox urged me not to resign, he warned me
- that this might happen. He had known several of Jaworski's
- staff at Harvard Law School and had served with some in the
- U.S. Attorney's office in New York City. He said, "I know these
- people. They are smart and ruthless. They hate you. They will
- harass you and hound you in civil and criminal actions across
- the country for the rest of your life." He was right. They were
- following the dictum of the 19th century Russian revolutionary
- Sergei Nechayev: "It is not enough to kill an adversary. He
- must first be dishonored."
- </p>
- <p> One after another, the blows rained down.
- </p>
- <p> I resigned from the Supreme Court and the California and New
- York bars. The Supreme Court and California accepted my
- resignation. The New York Bar Association refused to do so and
- instituted disbarment proceedings.
- </p>
- <p> Scores of lawsuits were filed against me by individuals
- seeking damages for assorted Government actions. Few involved
- presidential decisions. Most were dismissed, but all had to be
- defended.
- </p>
- <p> The cost was staggering. In the 16 years since I resigned
- the presidency, I have spent more than $1.8 million in
- attorneys' fees to defend myself against such suits and to
- protect my rights that were threatened by Government action.
- </p>
- <p> The Supreme Court ruled against me on my suit to gain
- possession of my papers and tapes, including those that were
- private.
- </p>
- <p> A scandal magazine printed letters that I was supposed to
- have written to a countess in Spain whom I had never met. They
- were obvious forgeries, but the story was never retracted.
- </p>
- <p> The pounding continued unrelentingly. I was the favorite
- butt of jokes on the talk shows. Hundreds of columns attacked
- me. A number of anti-Nixon books were published. Those by
- critics I understood. Those by friends I found a bit hard to
- take.
- </p>
- <p> The Rose Bowl game in 1975 was interrupted on television by
- an announcement of the conviction of John Mitchell and my other
- top aides. I could no longer even take refuge in my favorite
- avocation, watching sports on television.
- </p>
- <p> It was not enough for my critics to say that I had made
- terrible mistakes. They seemed driven to prove that I
- represented the epitome of evil itself.
- </p>
- <p>My Second Most Painful Decision
- </p>
- <p> I will never forget the moment that Jack Miller, my attorney
- from Washington, came into my office in San Clemente on Sept.
- 4, 1974, to inform me of President Ford's decision to stop the
- hemorrhaging by issuing a presidential pardon. Now I had to
- decide whether or not to accept it.
- </p>
- <p> I told Miller I was worried the pardon would hurt Ford
- politically. He said that in the short run, it would. But he
- added that if the country continued to be obsessed by
- Watergate, Ford and others would suffer even more from being
- unable to devote their attention to urgent problems.
- </p>
- <p> Miller also knew my desperate financial situation. He
- pointed out that the costs of defending actions against me
- would bankrupt me. In view of what happened soon thereafter,
- he was remarkably perceptive when he added that he thought that
- I had taken as much physically, mentally and emotionally as I
- could and that I should accept the pardon for my own well-being
- and my family's. His strongest argument was that because of the
- publicity over the past year and a half, there was no way I
- could get a fair trial in Washington.
- </p>
- <p> Next to the resignation, accepting the pardon was the most
- painful decision of my political career. The statement I issued
- at the time accurately describes my feelings then and now:
- </p>
- <p> "I was wrong in not acting more decisively and more
- forthrightly in dealing with Watergate, particularly when it
- reached the stage of judicial proceedings and grew from a
- political scandal into a national tragedy.
- </p>
- <p> "No words can describe the depths of my regret and pain at
- the anguish my mistakes over Watergate have caused the nation
- and the presidency--a nation I so deeply love and an
- institution I so greatly respect."
- </p>
- <p> The pardon was granted on Sept. 8. The predictable occurred.
- Ford went down in the polls, and I was subjected to a whole new
- round of attacks in the media.
- </p>
- <p>Nothing Left to Fight For
- </p>
- <p> I have always believed that there is a direct relationship
- between mental and physical health. Events in the aftermath of
- the pardon proved it, as far as I am concerned. Twenty years
- had passed since I had last suffered from phlebitis, blood
- clots that usually occur in the legs. Just before my trip to
- the Mideast in June 1974, my left leg began to swell. Hot and
- cold compresses reduced the swelling, but it increased
- alarmingly again when I had to stand too long at various
- ceremonies. It became even more aggravated when I went to the
- Soviet Union in July. In Minsk I had to walk for almost a mile
- and a half over cobblestone paths, and the pain was
- excruciating.
- </p>
- <p> When I returned to Washington, the pain subsided, and I was
- so busy in the weeks before the resignation that I forgot about
- it completely. A few days after the pardon, the swelling
- recurred. My family doctor, Dr. John Lungren, urged me to go
- to the hospital, warning that if a clot should break loose and
- go to the lungs, it would be fatal. That got my attention. I
- went to the hospital.
- </p>
- <p> For almost two weeks, I slept very little because the nurse
- had to come in every hour to refill the intravenous heparin
- medication to dissolve the blood clot. It was a miserable
- experience. When I returned home, I told Pat that I would never
- go to the hospital again.
- </p>
- <p> Within three weeks, I was back. Lungren had warned me that
- sharp pains in the abdomen would be a danger signal. After X-
- rays, the doctors decided that an operation should be performed
- immediately. I remember the pinprick of the anesthetist's
- needle and being wheeled down to the operating room, but for
- six days thereafter I was in and out of consciousness.
- </p>
- <p> My first recollection was of a nurse slapping my face and
- calling me. "Richard, wake up," she said. "Richard, wake up."
- I knew it was not Pat or Lungren. In fact, only my mother
- called me Richard. When I woke up again, Lungren was taking my
- pulse. I told him that I was anxious to go home. He said,
- "Listen, Dick, we almost lost you last night. You are not going
- to go home for quite a while."
- </p>
- <p> He told me I had gone into shock after the operation. My
- blood pressure had gone down to 60 over 0. Only after four
- transfusions over three hours were the doctors able to push it
- back to normal. I learned later that Pat, Tricia and Julie had
- been standing by me in the room for most of the night. When I
- woke up again, I asked Pat to come in. I now knew that I was
- in pretty desperate shape. Pat and I have seldom revealed our
- physical disabilities to each other. This time, I couldn't help
- it. I said that I didn't think I was going to make it.
- </p>
- <p> She gripped my hand and said almost fiercely, "Don't talk
- that way. You have got to make it. You must not give up." As
- she spoke, my thoughts went back again to the Fund crisis in
- 1952. Just before we went onstage for the broadcast, when I was
- trying to get all of my thoughts together for the most
- important speech of my life, I told her, "I just don't think
- I can go through with this one." She grasped me firmly by the
- hand and said, "Of course you can." The words were the same,
- but now there was a difference. Then I had something larger
- than myself to fight for. Now it seemed that I had nothing left
- to fight for except my own life.
- </p>
- <p> Among my first visitors was Jerry Ford, who was in
- California campaigning for congressional candidates. I must
- have looked like hell, because he blurted out, "Oh, Mr.
- President!," despite the fact that since my resignation we had
- been on a first-name basis. He did his best to give me a lift,
- but I knew that the pardon had hurt him and that the campaign
- was not going well.
- </p>
- <p> Shortly afterward, a nurse wheeled me into another room,
- with a window. She pointed to a small plane with a sign
- trailing behind: GOD LOVES YOU AND SO DO WE. I learned that the
- Rev. Billy Graham's wife Ruth and some of her friends had
- arranged it. I am convinced now that but for the support of my
- family and the thoughts and prayers of countless people I have
- never met and would never have a chance to thank, I would not
- have made it.
- </p>
- <p> There was still bad news to come. A few days later someone
- brought the results of the 1974 off-year elections to my
- hospital room. The Republican Party was in even worse shape
- than I was. I knew that from that time on, the Democrats who
- won would be called Watergate Democrats and the Republicans who
- lost would be called Watergate Republicans. After the millions
- of miles I had logged and the thousands of speeches I had made
- for Republican candidates over the years, I knew that this was
- my final legacy to the party. It would be a heavy burden for
- the rest of my life.
- </p>
- <p> When I left the hospital and returned home to La Casa
- Pacifica, I thought that now, at least, I might get a little
- relief. It was not to be. Judge Sirica wanted me in this
- courtroom to testify against John Mitchell and the other
- defendants. He ordered three doctors to examine me to see if
- the reports on the seriousness of my illness were true. Even
- now, so-called biographers and journalists blithely inform
- their readers that I cynically arranged my near fatal illness
- to quell public opposition to the pardon.
- </p>
- <p> So Sirica's three doctors came to San Clemente. Each took
- turns poking and pinching and pulling. One was obviously a
- little embarrassed by the exercise, but the other two seemed
- to enjoy their work. They were at least professional enough to
- report that I could under no circumstances travel to Washington
- and testify.
- </p>
- <p> I did not get the lift that I should have from the news that
- I would not have to go to Washington. I was a physical wreck;
- I was emotionally drained; I was mentally burned out. This
- time, as compared with the other crises I had endured, I could
- see no reason to live, no cause to fight for. Unless a person
- has a reason to live for other than himself, he will die--first mentally, then emotionally, then physically.
- </p>
- <p> At low points in the past, I have been sustained by
- recalling a note Clare Boothe Luce handed to me right after
- Watergate first broke, when she was sitting next to me at a
- meeting of the Foreign Intelligence Advisory Board. It was St.
- Barton's Ode. "I am hurt but I am not slain! I will lie me down
- and bleed awhile--then I'll rise and fight again." This time
- it did not work. I did not have anything to fight for.
- </p>
- <p> Three lessons stood out from my years in the wilderness
- after I lost the 1962 California Governor's race.
- </p>
- <p>-- Defeat is never fatal unless you give up.
- </p>
- <p>-- When you go through defeat, you are able to put your
- weaknesses in perspective and to develop an immune system to
- deal with them in the future.
- </p>
- <p>-- You never know how strong you are when things go
- smoothly. You tap strength you didn't know you had when you
- have to cope with adversity.
- </p>
- <p> My six years in the wilderness in the 1960s helped me
- survive the crisis I confronted in 1974. But residing in the
- deepest valley is far different from passing through the
- wilderness. Historical precedents existed for what I went
- through in the 1960s. Others lost major elections, yet came
- back to win later. But there was no precedent for what faced me
- in the 1970s. No one had ever been so high and fallen so low.
- No one before had ever resigned the presidency.
- </p>
- <p> I was down but not out. My enemies wanted to make sure I did
- not rise again in view of my past record of comebacks. They
- tried to discredit everything I had done, to blame me for my
- Administration's failures and to credit others for its
- successes. Newspaper articles invariably referred to me as the
- "disgraced former President." I was hated by some, ignored by
- others. It became unfashionable for even my friends to say
- anything positive about the Nixon era. While in the wilderness,
- De Gaulle once sardonically remarked, "Insults would have been
- more tolerable than indifference." I didn't have that problem--my enemies berated me, and many of my friends maintained a
- discreet distance.
- </p>
- <p>Getting Back to Par
- </p>
- <p> My immediate priority was to recover my health. I needed to
- do this to have the energy to engage again in creative
- activities. To my great surprise, golf became my lifesaver. I
- was fortunate to have Colonel Jack Brennan, my top military
- aide during my last two years in the White House, as my
- administrative assistant in San Clemente. He was an excellent
- golfer, but even more important, a patient and understanding
- partner.
- </p>
- <p> Combined with occasional swims in the cold water of the
- Pacific and a few laps in a heated pool, the golf routine did
- the trick. Within a year, I was shooting a few pars on the golf
- course and was back to par physically.
- </p>
- <p> I also had to recover my financial health. All of my assets
- were invested in real estate. My presidential and congressional
- pensions took care of ordinary expenses. But I had to find a
- way to pay my attorneys' fees. In addition, the Government
- allowance for office expenses was inadequate to cover the staff
- I needed to answer my huge volume of mail. I needed extra
- income. I ruled out one potentially lucrative source, honoraria
- for speeches. It was not the right time for me to begin to
- speak out. But even more important, I had had a policy of not
- accepting honoraria for speeches ever since I had been elected
- Vice President in 1952. Presidents Hoover, Truman, Eisenhower
- and Johnson all refused honoraria, and I did not want to be
- the first former President to start the practice. I therefore
- decided to find some other source of income.
- </p>
- <p> My physical recovery, while important, was not enough. A
- healthy vegetable is still a vegetable. As I recovered
- physically, I was able to tackle the more important but more
- difficult challenge of spiritual recovery. To recover
- physically involves regaining the ability to get up in the
- morning; to recover spiritually requires restoring the will and
- desire to do so.
- </p>
- <p> No one can recover spiritually from a major loss without the
- help of others. While a political figure depends on others in
- many ways, he ultimately rises and falls as a result of his own
- decisions and actions. A personal defeat therefore is an
- isolating experience. Spiritual recovery is hastened by
- overcoming the sense of isolation, by recognizing the fact that
- your family, friends and supporters still stand with you, and
- by putting the defeat in perspective.
- </p>
- <p> My first line of support was my family. No man has ever had
- a stronger family than I have had. In the weeks, months and
- years of slow recovery, a day never passed without their
- support. Never once did they moan about the disastrous impact
- of my shattering defeat on their lives. In many ways, it was
- worse for them than for me. When they read or saw the latest
- attack, their instinct was to refute the distortions and
- falsehoods. But they had to suffer in silence. They could not
- fight back.
- </p>
- <p> I also relied on support from my friends. When you win in
- politics, you hear from everyone. When you lose, you hear from
- your friends. After Watergate, it was a miracle that I had as
- many as I did. Some came to see me, some telephoned, others
- wrote encouraging letters. As good friends, they did not dwell
- on the tragedy of the past. Thankfully, they did not express
- sympathy, for the only thing worse than self-pity is to be the
- object of pity from others. And finally, the letters from tens
- of thousands of people from all over the world whom I had never
- met played an indispensable role in bucking up my spirits. It
- was heartwarming to know that while there was no longer a Silent
- Majority, at the least the minority that remained was not
- silent.
- </p>
- <p> With the wounds of body and spirit healed, I was now
- prepared to deal with my greatest challenge--mental recovery.
- This was the decisive factor in my decision to write my
- memoirs. When I finished Six Crises after losing in 1960, I
- observed that writing the book was my seventh crisis, and I
- vowed that I would never write another. But writing my memoirs
- now served several purposes. It provided part of the income
- that I needed. It was an enormous mental challenge requiring
- full use of all my creative abilities. Writing a book is the
- most intensive exercise anyone can give his brain. Most
- important, it provided the therapy needed for a full spiritual
- recovery by enabling me to put Watergate behind me.
- </p>
- <p>The Myths of Watergate
- </p>
- <p> Reliving those days in cold print was not easy, but I tried
- to close the book on that episode. In the three years I spent
- writing my memoirs, I addressed every facet of the crisis my
- excellent editorial staff, under the leadership of Frank
- Gannon, could uncover. I learned a number of things I had not
- known as the events of Watergate unfolded. I was able to put
- all the events of that time in perspective--to learn not only
- what happened but why, and to provide some guidance so that
- others could avoid a repetition of those problems.
- </p>
- <p> As I wrote, I was able to look back at Watergate and
- separate myth from fact. At the core of the scandal was the
- fact that individuals associated with my re-election campaign
- were caught breaking into and installing telephone wiretaps at
- the headquarters of the Democratic National Committee in the
- Watergate Hotel. After their arrest, others in my campaign and
- in my Administration attempted to cover up this connection to
- minimize the political damage. I failed to take matters firmly
- into my own hands and discover the facts and to fire any and
- all people involved or implicated in the break-in. I was also
- accused of taking part in the cover-up by trying to obstruct
- the FBI's criminal investigation.
- </p>
- <p> Alone, that would probably not have been enough to bring
- down my Administration. But the term "Watergate" has come to
- include a wide range of other charges that my adversaries used
- to try to paint my Administration as, in their words, "the most
- corrupt in American history." Together, these accusations
- represented the myths of Watergate, the smoke screen of false
- charges that ultimately undercut my Administration's ability
- to govern effectively.
- </p>
- <p> The most blatantly false myth was that I ordered the
- break-in at the Democratic headquarters. Millions of dollars
- were spent by the Executive Branch, the Congress and the office
- of the special prosecutor to investigate Watergate. Not one
- piece of evidence was discovered indicating that I ordered the
- break-in, knew about the plans for the wiretapping or received
- any information from it.
- </p>
- <p> The most politically damaging myth was that I personally
- ordered the payment of money to Howard Hunt and the other
- original Watergate defendants to keep them silent. I did
- discuss this possibility during a meeting with John Dean and
- Bob Haldeman on March 21, 1973. In the tape recording of this
- meeting, it is clear that I considered paying the money. I
- should not have even considered this option, but the key facts
- were that I rejected offering clemency to the defendants as
- "wrong" and at the end of the conversation ruled out any White
- House payment of money to the defendants. Moreover, those who
- made this accusation ignored the even more crucial fact that
- no payments were made as a result of that conversation.
- </p>
- <p> The most serious myth--the one that ultimately forced me
- to resign--was that, on my specific orders, the CIA
- obstructed the FBI from pursuing its criminal investigation of
- the Watergate break-in. I discussed this possible course of
- action with Bob Haldeman in the famous "smoking gun" tape of
- June 23, 1972. At that time, I thought that since some former
- CIA operatives had participated in the break-in, the CIA would
- be concerned that their exposure would reveal other, legitimate
- operations and operatives and that the agency would therefore
- welcome a chance to avoid that outcome. I thought that would
- also prevent the FBI from going into areas that would be
- politically embarrassing to us.
- </p>
- <p> In my talk with Haldeman, I made the inexcusable error of
- following the recommendation from some members of my staff--some of whom, I later learned, had a personal stake in covering
- up the facts--and requesting that the CIA intervene. But that
- mistake was mitigated by two facts. First, the director of
- Central Intelligence, Richard Helms, and his deputy, Vernon
- Walters, ignored the White House request and refused to
- intervene with the FBI, despite the pressure from members of
- my staff. Second, when FBI director Pat Gray complained to me
- in a telephone call three weeks later, on July 12, about
- attempts to suppress his investigation, I told him emphatically
- to go forward with it, and I instructed Haldeman and John
- Ehrlichman to make sure the campaign and the Administration
- cooperated with the investigation "all the way down the line."
- No obstruction of justice took place as a result of the June
- 23 conversation.
- </p>
- <p> The most widely believed myth was that I ordered massive
- illegal wiretapping and surveillance of political opponents,
- members of the House and Senate, and news media reporters. All
- of these charges were false, and no evidence was presented to
- substantiate them.
- </p>
- <p> The most ridiculous myth was that I was the first President
- to tape some of my conversations. F.D.R. was the first to do
- so. Scores of tapes are kept in the Eisenhower Library. Several
- thousand hours of tapes are stored in the Johnson Library, none
- of which will be available until the year 2023. Of the several
- hundred hours of tapes in the Kennedy Library, only 12% have
- so far been made public. The rest, according to the Kennedy
- Library officials, will be kept secret indefinitely.
- </p>
- <p> What, then, was Watergate? When the break-in first hit the
- news, my press secretary, Ron Ziegler, aptly called it a
- third-rate burglary. To compare Watergate with Teapot Dome, the
- Truman five-percenter scandals and the Grant whiskey scandals
- misses the point totally. No one in the Nixon Administration
- profited from Watergate. No one ripped off the Government, as
- in previous scandals. Wrongdoing took place, but not for
- personal gain. All Administrations have sought to protect
- themselves from the political fallout of scandals. In
- retrospect, I would say that Watergate was one part wrongdoing,
- one part blundering and one part political vendetta by my
- enemies.
- </p>
- <p> The Watergate break-in and cover-up greatly damaged the
- American political process. While not unusual in political
- campaigns, these actions were clearly illegal. Over the years,
- I had been the victim of dirty tricks and other kinds of
- vicious tactics in the cut and thrust of political warfare.
- What happened in Watergate--the facts, not the myths--was
- wrong. In retrospect, while I was not involved in the decision
- to conduct the break-in, I should have set a higher standard
- for the conduct of the people who participated in my campaign
- and Administration. I should have established a moral tone
- that would have made such actions unthinkable. I did not. I
- played by the rules of politics as I found them. Not taking a
- higher road than my predecessors and my adversaries was my
- central mistake. For that reason, I long ago accepted overall
- responsibility for the Watergate affair. What's more, I have
- paid, and am still paying, the price for it.
- </p>
- <p> Apart from its illegality, Watergate was a tragedy of
- errors. Whoever ordered the break-in evidently knew little
- about politics. If the purpose was to gather political
- intelligence, the Democratic National Committee was a pathetic
- target. Strategy and tactics are set by the candidate and his
- staff, not the party bureaucracy. I also contributed to the
- errors. As a student of history, I should have known that
- leaders who do big things well must be on guard against
- stumbling on the little things. To paraphrase Talleyrand,
- Watergate was worse than a crime--it was a blunder.
- </p>
- <p> When first informed about the break-in, I did not give it
- sufficient attention, partly because I was preoccupied with my
- China and Soviet initiatives and with my efforts to end the war
- in Vietnam and partly because I feared that some of my
- colleagues might be somehow involved. Some have said that my
- major mistake was to protect my subordinates. They may be
- partly right. In any organization, loyalty must run down, as
- well as up. I knew those who were involved acted not for
- personal gain but out of their deep belief in our cause. That
- knowledge may have contributed to my hesitation in tackling the
- question. I should have focused on the issue immediately, dug
- out the truth, fired everyone involved and taken the political
- heat.
- </p>
- <p> But what we remember as the Watergate period was also a
- concerted political vendetta by my opponents. Anyone who knows
- the workings of hardball politics knows that the smoke screen
- of false accusations--the myths of Watergate--was not at
- all accidental. In this respect, Watergate was not a morality
- play but rather a political struggle. The baseless and highly
- sensationalistic charges, the blatant double standards, the
- party-line votes in congressional investigating committees and
- the unwillingness of my adversaries and the media to look into
- parallel wrongdoing within Democratic campaigns, all should
- tip off even the casual observer that the opposition was
- pursuing not only justice but also political advantage.
- </p>
- <p>The Final Comeback?
- </p>
- <p> On Nov. 30, 1978, as I walked into the hall where I was to
- address the Oxford Union, the crowd greeted me with a standing
- ovation. I had received a very different reception outside.
- Several hundred demonstrators, many of them American students
- attending Oxford, surrounded my car as we entered the grounds.
- It was an ugly crowd. We could hear them chanting "Nixon go
- home!" as the president of the Union introduced me. I could see
- he was somewhat embarrassed, but I put him at ease when I
- opened my remarks by observing that the demonstrators made me
- feel very much at home.
- </p>
- <p> The students particularly liked the question-and-answer
- session. They were respectful, but they pulled no punches. The
- most intriguing question was what my plans were for a role in
- politics or foreign affairs. I responded that my political
- career was over but that while I had retired from politics, I
- had not retired from life. "So long as I have a breath in my
- body," I said, "I am going to talk about the great issues that
- affect the world. I am not going to keep my mouth shut. I am
- going to speak out for peace and freedom." The question was
- unexpected, but the off-the-cuff answer set forth exactly the
- guidelines I was to follow in the years ahead through meetings
- with leaders around the world, writing books and articles, and
- giving speeches and off-the-record backgrounders for
- journalists.
- </p>
- <p> What positive effect, if any, all this activity has had I
- do not know. I do know that it had one negative fallout. My
- critics saw what they considered to be a sinister purpose--that I was "orchestrating yet another comeback." If this is so,
- my "orchestra" is really a one-man band, because I do not have
- any control over what anyone else thinks, says or writes.
- </p>
- <p> Besides, as I said on Meet the Press in 1988, if I am trying
- to make a comeback, "what am I going to come back to? We
- already have a very good mayor in Saddle River, and we have a
- very good Governor in the state of New Jersey. It isn't a
- comeback. It isn't to be well thought of. The purpose is to get
- a message across, and then let history judge." When John
- Chancellor asked me how history would remember me, I predicted,
- "History will treat me fairly. Historians probably won't,
- because most historians are on the left."
- </p>
- <p> I shall continue to speak up for the policies that will lead
- to peace and freedom as long as I live. If people are
- interested in what I have to say, they can tune in. If they
- aren't, they do not have to. I intend to continue to speak out
- on the important issues for those who do want to hear my views.
- </p>
- <p>Searching for Recreation
- </p>
- <p> People sometimes ask what a 77-year-old former President
- does for exercise and recreation. Unfortunately, I do not set
- a very good example. I have never gone hunting, and fishing
- just isn't my bag. I tried deep-sea fishing once as a teenager
- and gave it up because I used to get seasick. In 1952
- Eisenhower tried to teach me how to cast for trout. It was a
- disaster. After hooking a limb the first three times, I caught
- his shirt on my fourth try. The lesson ended abruptly.
- </p>
- <p> I don't ski or play tennis. People often ask me whether I
- play chess. I don't, but my grandson Christopher, 11, plays
- well enough already to give his father a run for his money. The
- only time I played gin rummy was in 1944, on a twelve-hour
- flight from Guadalcanal to Hawaii in the belly of a C-54
- transport. The learning process was so expensive that I decided
- to stick to poker, which I still play once a year with
- Ambassador Walter Annenberg and other members of the Benevolent
- Marching and Philosophical Society of Philadelphia.
- </p>
- <p> I go to an occasional baseball, football or basketball game.
- My most vivid memory of a sports event was seeing my first
- major league baseball game on July 4, 1936. The Yankees crushed
- the Senators in a doubleheader. A rookie outfielder for New
- York, Joe DiMaggio, hit a home run into the sun bleachers at
- Griffith Stadium where I was sitting. The next time I saw the
- Yankees play on the Fourth of July was on a blisteringly hot
- Monday afternoon in New York 47 years later. Dave Righetti threw
- a no-hitter against the Boston Red Sox--his first, and mine
- as well. I shall never forget when he struck out Wade Boggs,
- the best hitter in baseball, with a high inside fastball for
- the final out.
- </p>
- <p> I quit golf ten years ago, though I enjoyed the game. There
- were two reasons. One day in late 1978, I broke 80. It was on
- a relatively easy course in San Clemente, but for me it was
- like climbing Mount Everest. I knew I could never get better,
- and so the competitive challenge was gone. Breaking 80 was an
- even greater thrill than getting a hole in one. I did get a
- hole in one once, but I don't remember much about it, except
- that it was on the third hole at Bel Air on Labor Day 1961, I
- used a MacGregor six-iron and a Spalding Dot ball, and my
- partner Randolph Scott birdied the hole.
- </p>
- <p> The other reason I quit golf was the decisive one. I had to
- meet a deadline for my third book, The Real War. I simply could
- not do it and also find four hours a day to play golf. This
- time, however, I found a substitute. In 1969 I asked President
- de Gaulle what he did for exercise. He told me that he believed
- that walking was the best thing a leader could do for his
- mental, physical and emotional health. I now follow his advice
- and walk four miles a day. While I miss the competition and
- fellowship, I get three times as much exercise as I would
- playing a round of golf and riding between holes in a cart.
- </p>
- <p>The Press and Privacy
- </p>
- <p> Although I had always had a lively interest in public
- affairs, I was not aware until after his death that Franklin
- D. Roosevelt was crippled by polio. I vividly recall seeing
- newsreels that showed him in Washington and abroad. They never
- showed a wheelchair or crutches, nor did newspaper accounts
- mention his disability. The media actively kept the secret for
- him. Some may disagree, but I believe the press deserve great
- credit for not disclosing his condition. Today they could not
- do so because of the television cameras that follow a President
- everywhere.
- </p>
- <p> More to the point, they would not want to do so. You don't
- have to point to the Gary Hart expose to find examples where
- investigative reporters have made public figures, and their
- families and friends, fair game for disclosure of every detail
- of their private lives. Highly qualified people are becoming
- increasingly reluctant to take Government positions in
- Washington because they don't want to expose their families to
- this merciless scrutiny. We can't go back to the pre-television
- standards of the F.D.R. days, but the media, in the interest
- of fairness and responsibility, might well consider reappraising
- some of their practices and eliminating some of the abuses.
- </p>
- <p> Based on 44 years of dealing with members of the media on
- the national level, I can say they are above average in
- intelligence. Most are liberal politically. Virtually all are
- ambitious, not so much for money as for status. A Pulitzer
- Prize means far more to them than a six-figure salary. They are
- proud of their profession and sometimes find it difficult to
- hide their contempt for the less well-educated politicians and
- businessmen they cover. Many, in my view justifiably, believe
- they are underpaid compared with the lobbyists and p.r. flacks
- who rip off their employers so shamefully. Finally, most are
- interesting people. An off-the-record session with a group of
- top-notch reporters can be far more stimulating and informative
- than a meeting with a group of Senators or Congressmen.
- </p>
- <p> I have some other observations that will probably be more
- controversial.
- </p>
- <p> Reporters from the print press, generally, although not
- always, are more intelligent and thoughtful than TV reporters.
- Photographers tend to be more sympathetic to conservatives than
- reporters, possibly because there appears to be an adversarial
- relationship between these two groups of journalists. A
- politician will get a better shake from reporters outside of
- Washington than in Washington. Publishers have become virtual
- political eunuchs: they still sign the checks, but the day is
- long gone when they had much control over reporters. Often a
- candidate is endorsed on the editorial page and cut up in the
- news stories, which gives many newspapers a schizophrenic
- quality. Even the paper I read most regularly, the Wall Street
- Journal, suffers from that syndrome. This is not necessarily
- bad, but those who deal with the press should know what they
- are up against.
- </p>
- <p> Another observation, which I admit may result only from my
- own experience, is that members of the press hate to be proved
- wrong. I was warned about this after the Alger Hiss case. Most
- reporters covering the case had thought Whittaker Chambers was
- lying and Hiss was telling the truth, and they did not
- appreciate being shown that they had been wrong. There was an
- understandable tendency among some in the months and years
- afterward to try to justify their original position, at my
- expense.
- </p>
- <p> Superficial observers are wrong when they attribute all of
- my problems with the media to Watergate. They overlook the
- seminal issue of Vietnam. The war changed Lyndon Johnson's
- press from highly positive to overwhelmingly negative, and
- poisoned my own relations with the press throughout my
- presidency. I respected the right of press people as well as
- politicians to disagree with me about the morality of our cause
- in Vietnam, our conduct of the war and my efforts to win an
- honorable peace. But again, the events that followed our
- withdrawal from Vietnam, including the plight of the boat
- people and the more than 1 million slaughtered by the new
- communist rulers of Cambodia, showed that media critics who
- said we were on the wrong side were mistaken.
- </p>
- <p> The press and the politicians they cover are frequently at
- odds, but they have one thing in common: a very low rating in
- the public opinion polls. Most people believe that the press
- is biased toward liberal causes, and I would agree. But charges
- that the press is generally inaccurate in its reporting are
- frequently unfair. Generally, I have been impressed by how
- accurately reporters who reach the national level cover their
- stories. The contention that reporters have bad manners is also
- usually a bad rap. While reporters are always persistent, they
- are usually courteous. The antics of a few oddballs who stamp
- their feet and holler like children to get attention should
- not be held against the entire group.
- </p>
- <p> Here are my rules for dealing with the press:
- </p>
- <p>-- Don't play favorites. Doing so gives a short-term
- advantage but does more harm than good in the long run. I often
- asked Henry Kissinger to give interviews not just to the select
- elite in the Washington press corps but to some of the fine
- reporters from the less well-known papers around the country.
- If for some reason you are deserted by your tiny circle of
- Beltway bigwigs, you might wish you had cultivated some friends
- in the hinterlands.
- </p>
- <p>-- Don't cancel a subscription, but don't be afraid to
- cancel an unfriendly reporter's ticket on some plum
- presidential trip. There is no law that says if a reporter has
- a habit of giving you the shaft, you have to continue to give
- him privileged treatment.
- </p>
- <p>-- Wining and dining the press should generally be avoided
- except on an arm's-length basis. The best reporters resent
- being wooed in such a superficial way, and no reporter will sit
- on a negative story because you gave him brunch last week.
- </p>
- <p>-- One tactic that should be used only sparingly is for a
- public official who has been attacked by the press to
- counterattack. He may win in the short run. But in the long run
- the press has the last word, and they will never forgive him
- for taking them on. This does not mean that he should take
- their barbs lying down or that he should go crawling after them
- to try to win their support. It does mean that he should give
- as good as he receives, but in a manner that will not expose
- him to the charge that he is taking on the press to divert
- attention from his own vulnerabilities.
- </p>
- <p>-- A President's ultimate weapon is to go over the heads of
- the press to the country, as I did in the so-called "Checkers
- Speech" in 1952 and the "Silent Majority" address in 1969 to
- mobilize public opinion. But you cannot go to the well too
- often. Only on a major issue of universal concern should a
- President try to reach the people directly to avoid having his
- views filtered through the press.
- </p>
- <p>Into the Twilight
- </p>
- <p> As I look back to the time I made the decision to enter
- politics more than 40 years ago, three goals motivated me:
- peace abroad, a better life for people at home and the victory
- of freedom over tyranny throughout the world. I have taken some
- great risks and have fought many battles in attempting to serve
- those goals. By exposing Alger Hiss, I earned the undying
- enmity of many powerful people who might otherwise have at
- worst taken a neutral view of me. I do not regret losing these
- people's support. But by going to China, I lost the support of
- many fellow conservatives who believed we should not have
- normal relations with any communist power, even if it was
- unfriendly toward the Soviet Union. By refusing to accept any
- but the most honorable and equitable peace in Vietnam, I lost
- the support of many liberals, conservatives and moderates who
- felt that supporting me was just too risky politically. These
- are examples of the perils of purpose.
- </p>
- <p> While it has been a rough game, it has been worth it. I
- might not want to do it again, but I would not have missed it.
- I know I have lived for a purpose, and I have at least in part
- achieved it. You must live your life for something more
- important than your life alone. One who has never lost himself
- in a cause bigger than himself has missed one of life's
- mountaintop experiences. Only by losing yourself in this way
- can you really find yourself.
- </p>
- <p> My most vivid memory of the dark days after my resignation
- is a conversation with Walter Annenberg shortly after I
- returned to San Clemente. He knew I was discouraged. He tried
- to buck up my spirits. He said, "Whether you have been knocked
- down or are on the ropes, always remember that life is 99
- rounds." Today, the battle I started to wage in 1946 when I
- first ran for Congress is not over. I still have a few rounds
- to go.
- </p>
- <p> Two thousand years ago, Sophocles wrote, "One must wait
- until the evening to see how splendid the day has been." There
- is still some time before the sun goes down, but even now, I
- can look back and say that the day has indeed been splendid.
- In view of the ordeals I have endured, this may strike some as
- an incredible conclusion. I believe, however, that the richness
- of life is measured by its breadth, its height and its depth.
- It has been my good fortune to have lived a very long and a
- very full life, one in which I have been at the heights but
- also at the depths.
- </p>
- <p> I shall always remember my first visit to the Grand Canyon
- 65 years ago. I did not believe any view could be more
- spectacular than the one from the heights of the South Rim
- until I hiked seven miles down to the river below and looked
- back up. Only then did I fully appreciate the true majesty of
- one of nature's seven wonders of the world. Only when you have
- been in the depths can you truly appreciate the heights.
- </p>
-
- </body>
- </article>
- </text>
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